books to read for halloween
Books

5 spooky reads for people who just can’t let go of Halloween

Ghosts and ghouls, witches and warlocks, monsters and mythological beings, and yes – even you, the one at the back who stumbled in here because they took a wrong turn. Take off your shoes, get comfy. Grab a blanket.

books to read in autumn

Halloween has come and gone, but some of us (myself included) aren’t quite ready to let go of the best part of Autumn just yet. As far as I’m concerned, November is fair game and I’m not ready for Christmas until the first of December. Besides, there are far too many books to read that fall into the ‘scary’ category.

The Halloween Tree by Ray Bradbury

I first found out about this spooky story when I was a kid. Every year, Cartoon Network would show essentially the same set of seasonal cartoons, and there was one called The Halloween Tree that I’d watch with the same enthusiasm every single year. Give me a break, this was before Netflix and all those newfangled streaming tools we have now. Anyway, I Googled it one day and was delighted to find that it was actually a 1972 novel by none other than Ray Bradbury, who also lends his voice to the animated version. Pretty cool.

When you reach the stars, boy, yes, and live there forever, all the fears will go, and Death himself will die.

Ray Bradbury, The Halloween Tree

The Halloween Tree takes you through the rich history of Samhain and Halloween through one eventful night shared by a band of costumed boys rushing to meet their friend, Pipkin. Led by the mysterious Mr Moundshroud, the boys go on a journey through the past to save their friend while learning the true meaning of Halloween. Oh, and the whole thing is illustrated with hauntingly beautiful drawings.

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin

This one’s a real pop-culture classic and comes with a great 1968 film adaptation starring Mia Farrow.

Like so many unhappinesses, this one had begun with silence in the place of honest open talk.

Ira Levin, Rosemary’s Baby

Rosemary and Guy are a young couple trying to build a life together in New York. How do young couples do that? Apparently by buying a strange apartment in a creepy building that is literally a hotbed of death and bad juju. Anyway, everything seems to be going well for them: Guy’s acting career is picking up, they’ve befriended their eccentric, nosy neighbours, and the two are finally ready to start a family. What could possibly go wrong, eh? Spoiler: plenty.

Child of God by Cormac McCarthy

If you’re interested in true crime, serial killers, and love a narrative loaded with suspense, this one’s for you. If you’re not interested in any of that, well…here’s why you should give this a read anyway.

To watch these things issuing from the otherwise mute pastoral morning is a man at the barn door. He is small, unclean, unshaven. He moves in the dry chaff among the dust and slats of sunlight with a constrained truculence. Saxon and Celtic bloods. A child of God much like yourself perhaps. 

Cormac McCarthy, Child of God

Child of God is arguably McCarthy’s boldest portrayal of human brutality and outright depravity so it’s not exactly a relaxing bedtime read. The protagonist, Lester Ballard, is a social outcast – a murderer and necrophile reminiscent of the real-life killer Ed Gein. In terms of the narrative, McCarthy’s bare style carves out a quick, gripping read you won’t be able to put down (or forget about) easily.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

If you’ve never read this classic gothic novel before, now’s the perfect time to jump in. If you have already read it, now’s the perfect time to get re-acquainted Wuthering Heights and get lost in the misty Yorkshire moors once more. Bring a coat.

I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.

Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

In short, the novel is one of searing revenge. And I mean serious long-game revenge, not your regular store-bought kind; when you get to know a bit more about Heathcliff’s backstory, it becomes pretty clear why the guy’s pissed off. Knocked down into the role of a servant by his adopted family, Heathcliff is devastated when Catherine Earnshaw – the woman he loves – basically marries a man out of her desire to move up in society. After a long absence, Heathcliff returns rich, educated, and angry. He’s dead set on getting back at the two families he feels have taken his soulmate away and ruined his life.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

This classic needs no introduction, but we’ll do it anyway because we’re thorough that way. I still can’t believe that Shelley wrote her best work at the age of 18. Do you know what I was doing when I was 18? Me neither. Exactly.

Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

Frankenstein is a Gothic masterpiece about an eccentric scientist named Victor Frankenstein and the ‘monster’ he creates – though reading the novel will leave you questioning who or what the real monster is here. Through the first-person accounts of one Captain Walton, Victor, and his monster, we learn a little about what it means to be ‘human’ and are left asking a lot of questions about the oh-so-fine lines that separate humanity from inhumanity, if they can ever truly be seen as separate at all.

What are your favourite spooky tales and bone-chilling horror stories? Add to my to-be-read pile and pop your suggestions in the comments!

-Kelly

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Happening Annie Ernaux book haul
Books

Book haul: London Indie Press Book Fair

I do love when the world conspires in my favour. I mean, it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, but that’s not the point. A few weeks ago I booked a train down to London to see my baby brother (FYI: a fully grown man at this point, but forever baby brother) and what pops up in my Instagram feed? This bad boy:

YES. Right up my book-strewn alley. The London Indie Press Book Fair is a free event organised by Dostoyevsky Wannabe and the Contemporary Small Press Project that invites independent presses to sell their books and zines, chat about industry trends and celebrate the industry we love – with drinks and snacks available, of course. Is it even a literary event if you don’t have a glass of red in your hand?

I wish I could have bought something from every press there, but there’s only so much a girl can carry back up north. Here’s what I picked up!

Happening by Annie Ernaux

Kong’s Garden by Hwang Jungeun

Bad Boy Poet by Scott Manley Hadley and Shitstorm by Fernando Strigotti

book blogger newcastle

If you’re curious about all the indie presses that were there, here’s the full list:

Anyway, my fellow bookworms, I need to go and crack on with this growing to-be-read pile or there won’t be any book reviews. THE HORROR. If you’ve read any of these, or have any other indie publishers and presses you’d like to share, go for it!

-Kelly

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The Testaments by Margaret Atwood
book review, Books

Review: The Testaments by Margaret Atwood

It feels appropriate and a little serendipitous that I should ‘celebrate’ my subtle rebranding of this blog (we’re going to be a little less ‘all over the place’ and more ‘books’ from now on, kids) with this: The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. Holy shit do I have a treat for you.

Margaret Atwood The Testaments

Before we dive in, let’s do a quick recap of The Handmaid’s Tale. I first read it circa 2009 when I should have been revising for my A-levels, but naturally, I kept finding better things to do. I devoured that novel in two short days. Even now, as I type this, it’s as fresh in my mind as it was the day I read the last few words on the very last page. And that was more than 10 years ago.

The Republic of Gilead offers Offred only one function: to breed. If she deviates, she will, like dissenters, be hanged at the wall or sent out to die slowly of radiation sickness. But even a repressive state cannot obliterate desire – neither Offred’s nor that of the two men on which her future hangs.

Brief synopsis from The Handmaid’s Tale

To say this book had an impact on me would be a bit of an understatement, but neither one of us has all day. It helped me to understand and appreciate just how easily our rights – not just women’s rights, by the way – could be snatched away with the flourish of a pen in a room filled with privileged men. It’s our duty to guard the freedoms so hard-won by those who came and suffered before us.

Basically, I think it’s essential reading, especially if you’re interested in:

  • Speculative/dystopian fiction
  • Politics and equal rights/feminism
  • Totalitarian societies with a generous splash of religious fanaticism

Moving swiftly on.

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood

Genre: Dystopian fiction

Length: 432 pages

Publisher: Chatto & Windus/Vintage

Other bits: Sunday Times #1 Best Seller, shortlisted for the 2019 Booker Prize

Synopsis

Set some 15 years after The Handmaid’s Tale, the narrative unfolds through the stories of three very different characters living at a pivotal time during the Gileadean regime. Things aren’t as solid as they seem in the first book; everything seems to be barely held together with chewing gum. The witness testimonies of two young women are joined by a third, older voice, belonging to one of Gilead’s key founding figures: Aunt Lydia.

Dear Readers: Everything you’ve ever asked me about Gilead and its inner workings is the inspiration for this book. Well, almost everything! The other inspiration is the world we’ve been living in.

Margaret Atwood

It reads ‘easy’ in the sense that the prose flows beautifully and keeps you just hungry enough to get to the next word, page, chapter, story. But there’s nothing easy about the harrowing and at time heartbreaking details of what these women had to experience, witness, or even do.

My thoughts

I love how we get a closer, unflinching look at Aunt Lydia, one of the founding members of Gilead who we’ve only seen through Offred’s eyes thus far. This time, instead of seeing here purely as a stoic symbol of woman-on-woman oppression, Aunt Lydia is armed with a pen and set to tell her own story. We find out how she got there and what has to happen to a person to make them do things they would never have even considered back in their normal lives.

We get a closer look at what it’s like for girls growing up in Gilead – what kind of education do they get? How are the children of handmaids treated or viewed by society? What are the rules and rituals surrounding marriage? Delving deeper into the mythology of Gilead is a fascinating ride, I’ll tell you that much. I’m not one to give you spoilers. But be prepared to be very pissed off.

The ending? I loved it. Satisfying, although I did predict some parts of the resolution along the way – that doesn’t bother me much, but I do know that’s a pet peeve for some readers. Anyway, the ending: tantalizing enough to leave you wanting more, but we get the answers we need.

It’s more important than ever that we read and share stories like this one. That we stay vigilant when it comes to the rights we’ve won and yet remain, it seems, at the mercy of another entitled white male’s signature. Take what’s happening under Trump’s presidency, with Planned Parenthood. Or my home country, Malta, where women were – until relatively recently – denied so much as the morning-after pill, called sluts, murderers, and worse for wanting a say in what happens to their bodies. This is not fiction. This is happening.

History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Margaret Atwood

And it’s not just about women’s rights. All our rights, no matter who you are or where you live, are about as permanent as the paper they’re printed on. Rip it up. Change a law. Add new laws. Close a clinic. Send in the military. Decide who’s allowed to read and write. Decide who can have a voice. It doesn’t happen all at once, you guys. It’s a slow burn. Before you know it, the whole house is on fire. Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum.

-Kelly

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what is books are my bag
Books

Books are my bag: what you need to know

So here’s the thing. A few years ago—a fair few more than I’d care to admit right now—I learnt about Books Are My Bag thanks to boss booktuber Leena Norms. This year, I can finally participate. I’m excited. And I want you to get excited too, so here’s a quick overview of it all.

What’s ‘Books Are My Bag’ about?

Once upon a time (2013 to be precise) the Booksellers Association created a clever campaign to celebrate magical places all over the UK. These places are your friendly neighbourhood bookshops. It’s all about supporting your local booksellers and appreciating every aspect of the book. From the beautiful cover art in front of you to delightful window displays, writers, editors, printer, marketers, and passionate booksellers—we’re here to celebrate it all, with each bookshop serving as a little private party just for you. TL;DR: it’s all about encouraging people to buy books in physical bookshops. Sounds good, right? Right.

With online retailers effectively taking the rug out from under brick-and-mortar shops, the overall aim of the campaign is to encourage readers all over the country to buy books locally. By doing that you’ll be feeding your (arguably healthy) addiction to books while supporting local businesses and helping to create jobs.

Oh, and your chances of stumbling upon a title you’ve never even heard of increase dramatically when you shop the old-fashioned way. Amazon can make all the (paid) suggestions it likes—nothing beats a real-life recommendation from someone who really loves books, or being drawn to a stunning cover in a genre that you might not have considered otherwise. BAMB is made up of a couple of ‘smaller’ events:

  • The BAMB Readers Awards, where you can vote for your favourite fresh-pressed reads of the year, and nominate something for the Readers’ Choice Award (anything, be it newly published or classic).
  • Bookshop Day (5th October 2019), a day for you to go out, explore bookshops, and do some guilt-free book shopping.
  • Independent Bookshop Week: this week of bookbug fun is made up of fabulous things like book crawls, author signings, reading groups, storytelling sessions, literary lunches and the like. Each shop does its own thing!
    • Save the date: Independent Bookshop Week 2020 = 20 – 27 June. 

Bookshops in Newcastle upon Tyne

I’ve been living in Newcastle for over two years now, but I’ve got to admit that finding indie bookshops to put on this list was a bit of a struggle. If you know any, leave a comment – I’d love to build up a list of bookshops big and small to share with you guys. Anyway, here’s where you can go to celebrate #BookshopDay this Saturday and enjoy some bookish self-indulgence:

Independent Bookshops in North East England

There are a few more bookshops I wanted to mention based on my own experience and my friends’ recommendations. They’re just a metro or train ride away, so I thought I’d pop them in here and add to the list as they come:

So that’s that. Books are my bag. They very much are. Follow my shenanigans on Instagram, and let me know if you’ve got any bookshops you think should be on my list! My bank balance won’t thank you, but I definitely will.

-Kelly

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f scott fitzgerald review
Books

#CurrentlyReading: The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’d apologise for the radio silence over the last few months but that’d mean apologising for dealing with life itself. Besides, it feels a little presumptuous to apologise as though people were waiting for me to post something here. So let’s skip the pleasantries and get right into it, shall we?

I recently moved into a bigger bedroom, and it was during the third or fourth trip upstairs with an armful of books that I realised how out of hand my reading backlog had become. I’ve been on a relatively strict (for me) book-buying ban for a while now, and the plan is not to buy any new books until I’ve worked my way through at least 20 novels. Hell, I might avoid buying any until I buy my own house just because I’m tired of hauling things around Newcastle for the time being. Anyway, on to the actual book.

The Beautiful and Damned (1922)

I loved every bit of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby (1925), so I’d been looking for another of his novels to get stuck into for a while when I came across this strong title; even if you’ve never heard of the guy, you’ve got to admit he’s got a knack for titles. So without really reading the blurb, Fitzgerald’s second novel made its way into my not-so-little collection. I found it to be a bit of a slow burn at first, but things do pick up when Anthony Patch, the protagonist, sets his sights on a sparkling socialite named Gloria Gilbert. That might sound like the introduction to a soppy romcom, but trust me, it’s not.

  • f scott fitzgerald book review

The Beautiful and Damned is a novel of decadence. It follows Anthony, a somewhat lackadaisical-but-jittery socialite and heir to his grandfather’s fortune, through his courtship and relationship with free-spirited Gloria. Slivers of World War I make it into the plot, but that’s far from the main focus of the story; what I can’t shake is the sense of apathy and indolence that seems to radiate from the two characters – Anthony in particular. It is a meditation on love and money, certainly, but there also seems to be this running theme of action versus inaction throughout the novel, primarily because the protagonists are crippled by an idealisation of, and obsession with, the past, to the extent that it consumes their present. As a reader, I almost want to reach into the text and shake the two twenty-somethings awake, at once frustrated by the nothing that they seem adept at doing and exasperated by selfishness so incredible it borders on narcissism.

“Tired, tired with nothing, tired with everything, tired with the world’s weight he had never chosen to bear.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

So in terms of how effective the novel is in making me feel things as a reader, I’d say it’s pretty damn good. The writing itself is beautiful, almost poetic at times, but I wouldn’t describe it as un-put-down-able.

“Things are sweeter when they’re lost. I know–because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot, and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.” 

F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

It’s definitely worth a read, especially if you’re interested in Fitzgerald beyond his most popular work. You know, the one so many people love because of Leonardo di Caprio. No shade.

books by f scott fitzgerald

Have you read anything by F. Scott Fitzgerald? What did you think? Thoughts and recommendations welcome in the comments below!

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book review caitlin moran how to be a woman
Books, review, thoughts

#CurrentlyReading: How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

book reviews

If you know me, you’ll know that I have something of an addiction to books. I own roughly 350 books spread across 4 bookshelves around my house, and I have absolutely no intention of stopping until I get my own Beauty and the Beast style library. Am I asking for too much? Possibly. Will I give up? Unlikely. Anyway, unhealthy obsession aside – I’m starting a series of blog posts called #CurrentlyReading – essentially book reviews before I’ve finished the book, just because the book in question is just too damn good to wait (or  too terrible to continue).

caitlin moran how to be a woman

To kick off this literary love-affair, I’m excited to share Caitlin Moran’s How to Be a Woman, published in 2011 by Ebury Press.  I first heard about Moran through one of my favourite BookTubers (Leena from JustKissMyFrog), and put her on my to-read list along with another 20 or so books. I completely forgot that I wanted to buy How to Be a Woman until I saw it at Blackwell’s in Newcastle (also known as my second personal nirvana after Waterstones) and quickly snapped it up before my little brain could forget again. I am now hooked. This book is part-memoir, part-humour, and 100%  pure wit. She takes us through her own life, from awkward childhood through to impossible puberty and that mysterious thing called Womanhood in a seemingly effortless thread of questions, like:

  • Why do women get Brazilians?
  • Do we have to get Brazilians?
  • Why is everyone asking me about babies?
  • Why is everyone asking me about my love life?
  • Why is everyone getting married?
  • What about porn?
  • Why do bras hurt?
  • Is there a better name for ‘the vagina’?
  • What are the worst names for ‘the vagina’?
  • What’s this ‘fashion’ thing?
  • Children?!

And so on and so forth, hilariously mingled with Moran’s very relatable personal anecdotes. I rarely laugh-out-loud when reading, but this one has had me snorting cappuccino out of my nose in the most unattractive way possible. One of the blurbs on the cover is from Grazia and describes the book as, “The book EVERY woman should read.” Quite frankly I’d like to take this further and say anyone who is or indeed knows a woman should read it, even if it’s just for the laughs. We do our best learning when we’re laughing anyway. I like to think so, at least.

Let me know if you’ve read this book or anything else by Caitlin Moran in a comment below! What are your thoughts? Is this something you’d read?

-Kelly

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top 10 books to read
Books, Lists of Love

Top 10 Books on my To-Read List

As a self-confessed book-hoarder, bookworm, and bibliophile, having an out-of-control list of books I want to read is a part of the job. Another thing we book-fiends revel in is talking, writing, and gushing about books until we hear the gentle click of the kettle as it comes to a boil. Enough chit chat – on to the books!

1 | Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

I’m utterly obsessed with vikings and Norse mythology, and I think Neil Gaiman is just fantastic. When I hit Waterstones in Newcastle and saw this beautiful hardback edition of a book that merged those two things together, I just had to have it.

2 | Hold Your Own by Kate Tempest

Now this is actually a collection of poems by English spoken-word poet, Kate Tempest. I only really started to appreciate poetry when I was reading for my degree in English, but since then I’ve more than made up for it by making time to read good poetry, especially by writers who are still alive and kicking today.

3 | Event by Slavoj Zizek

Slavoj Zizek is a brilliant philosopher who, yes, I discovered at university but want to learn more about. Enter Event. 

4 | The Beautiful and Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald

After falling hopelessly in love with The Great Gatsby and dealing with the inevitable book-hangover that followed, I’m ready for my next dose of Fitzgerald. Let’s say it – the man has a knack for badass titles.

5 | A Lover’s Discourse by Roland Barthes

A colleague of mine with excellent taste in books recommended this to me, and I’m going to trust her completely on this.

6 | The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett

Shame on me for not having read this already, I know. I’m sorry, please forgive me. But I’m here now, and I’m ready to enter Discworld.

7 | Notes from a Small Island by Bill Bryson

Bill Bryson is one of those writers who make you feel like you’re sitting down for a chat with your ridiculously good-humoured friend who’s also casually clever.

8 | East of Eden by John Steinbeck

This one is one of the heavier reads that I challenged myself to read a year ago. Ish. I’ve obviously failed. But I love John Steinbeck and will consider this blog post a promise that I will read it this year. Hold me to it, guys.

9 | Underworld London by Catharine Arnold

I love a bit of history – especially when it’s mixed in with some gritty crime. The full title is Underworld London: Crime and Punishment in the Capital City. Need I say more?

10 | The Elder Edda translated by Andy Orchard

Ah, we end where we began – with norse mythology! The Elder Edda is a collection of anonymous, Old Norse poems alive with the culture and history of the people who created them. It was actually one of the texts that inspired J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy, so it gets my vote twice.

Have you read any of these? Let me know what you thought in a comment below.

Until next time!

–Kelly

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the acid house irvine welsh book
Books, Haul, Personal Style

Books and a spot of vintage shopping

Welcome to the first post of 2018, ladies and gents! We’re a little too late in the month to talk about such things as New Year’s Resolutions (I’d probably say something generic like ‘eat more fruit’ and ‘spend more time switching off from the online world’, you get the gist of things), so I thought we could dive right in with a few bits and pieces I’ve acquired over the festive season and first bit of January. Onward!

Books

Okay, you might remember that when I finally made the big move to Newcastle, I was only able to bring about ten books with me. I own around 370+ books in total. It was difficult. Painful. My shelves were a little too empty for my liking, and the bookshops here are too tempting for my own good, so I have actually acquired a few new tomes (and brought a few back with me when I visited Malta last year).

Let’s start with a bit of a Bukowski haul…

The three at the top (Post Office, Factotum, Women) were Christmas gifts from my baby brother, and Love is a Dog from Hell was something I picked up with a Waterstones gift voucher. Bukowski is one of my favourite poets of all time, but I’m ashamed to say I’ve never owned any of his books at all! I also picked up a copy of Stephen Fry’s Mythos with another gift voucher. Lucky me!

Next up, the books I bought when I went to Barter Books in Alnwick (again). I might have mentioned this before, but Barter Books is a gorgeous little second-hand bookshop just an hour and twenty minutes away from Newcastle city centre by bus. It used to be a train station, and today looks like something out of Hogsmeade:

And here’s a look at what I picked up from Barter:

book haul

the acid house irvine welsh book

Vintage Bits

A while ago, I spent some time looking into the thrift/vintage shopping scene here in Newcastle. I love dipping into charity shops and hitting vintage shops to find unique bits and pieces to make my outfits stand out. Sort of. Anyway, I picked up this pendant from The Yesterday Society in Grainger Market:

And these awesome pieces from FLIP American Vintage:

vintage shopping

Snuggly-as-hell 1980s jumper

vintage ralph lauren

Green striped Ralph Lauren shirt

 

 If you’ve got any books (or vintage shops!) to recommend, hit me up in the comments! 

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anxiety breathing exercises
Adult Life, thoughts

How I deal with anxiety spirals

As I type this out on the fly in my favourite coffee shop, I’m on day three of teetering on the edge of a cliff. Fall off that precarious ledge, ladies and gentlemen, and we plummet headfirst into that oh-so-annoying thing called an anxiety spiral.

This manifests differently in different people and it can be triggered by any combination of things; hormones, alcohol, changes in your life, being faced with decisions, public speaking, social interactions, the wrong word at the wrong time, something embarrassing you did five years ago, et cetera. The list is virtually never-ending, and the effects can be crippling to some, and plain inconvenient to others. I’ve experienced situations which had me feeling so helpless, I couldn’t leave my bed all day except to use the bathroom. It wasn’t great.

The anxiety spiral

Personally, the main thing that gets to me during one of these spirals is the obsessive part. If something sets me off, I get tunnel vision and can’t see anything or anyone else but that thing causing the anxiety. And to be quite honest, it can feel like my mind is unravelling at the time.

It’s the end of the world to me, even if to my friends or family it shouldn’t even a blip on the stress radar. I’m the worst person ever, how can anyone stand me let alone like me, I’m the most annoying thing ever to walk the earth, I’m probably too loud and talk too much, I’m not actually a good writer, I’m not really good at my job, I’m not a good person, I’ve probably offended someone today, I sound stupid, and that person who saw me drunk three years ago probably still laughs at me sometimes. This is just a snippet of the thoughts that swirl, quite mercilessly, around in my head when it’s happening; your reality is distorted, and even though what you want most in the world is someone to stroke your hair and say everything is fine, you know you also won’t believe a damn word of it. You’ll probably think they’re just saying that to make you feel better. I guess the best you can do in that situation is to trust your support system to be honest with you.

For people dealing with anxiety know that it generally comes with physical manifestations too – anything from a quickened heartbeat or nausea to a full-blown panic attack. Everyone has their own version of this personal hell, in varying degrees, and I can only tell you what it’s like for me. I’m lucky to have never dealt with a real panic attack, but having your mind obsess and your heart feel like it’s going to bust out of your chest is also deeply unpleasant. Logically, I know my ‘fight or flight’ is kicking in and the adrenaline is making my body feel panic, but that does little to help me at the time.

How I’m dealing with my anxiety

For a long, long time, I didn’t know that this thing that was happening to me had a name or that it was happening to countless others in the world. I was weird and panicky sometimes, that was it. It always passed – but it also always came back.

I got a little older and took time to really dig down into what it was I felt, what triggered those feelings and what made me feel better when it happened. Fast forward to this weekend, and I’ve actually written down, on two sticky notes, the things that aggravate my anxiety and the things that help me manage it. Almost like an ‘in case of emergency’ reminder. Here’s a snippet:

Things that make it worse
  • PMS. Lord Jesus, PMS.
  • Drinking more than two or three glasses of wine.
  • Indecision.
  • Too much coffee.
  • Being disorganised or messy.
  • Falling behind on deadlines.
  • Not taking the time to cook meals.
  • The possibility that I’ve hurt someone’s feelings.
    • And then overthinking this for hours on end.
  • Not being active.
  • Spending time on social media.
Things that (therefore) make it better
  • Regular exercise – get those happy hormones a-flowin’.
  • A clean bedroom and freshly laundered sheets.
  • Five-minute meditations – I use an app called ‘Calm’.
  • Cutting down on social media.
    • I highly recommend switching off notifications as a trial if you’re uncomfortable with completely ridding your phone of the usual suspects.
  • Reading for leisure.
  • Making lists (evidently).
  • Staying on top of my work.
  • Doing things to make other people happy.
  • Sketching, writing, or playing videogames.
  • Spending time by the sea.
  • Puppies. Lots of puppies.
  • Drinking less coffee, and avoiding it after 5pm.
  • Evening Primrose oil. That shit is legit.
  • Getting out of bed and having a shower even when it seems like the hardest thing ever.
  • Talking about it with someone I trust.

Of course, I’m not against the use of medication to help with anxiety and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Pharmaceuticals should absolutely not be demonized or viewed as some sort of necessary evil; I have loads of friends who tell me how their lives have been massively improved by anti-anxiety meds, and I’m happy for them. I’m just trying my own thing first, and that’s okay too.

tips to deal with anxiety

Anyway, I just thought I’d share what I’m doing to keep a handle on things and stay balanced when anxiety makes that difficult. Sharing this kind of stuff helps others who might be struggling with it, so I’m all over that.

I’d love to hear what you do when this demon scratches at your door, so feel free to share your tips in the comments!

-Kelly

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the sound and the fury william faulkner
Books, thoughts

#CurrentlyReading: The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner

the sound and the fury william faulkner

Another blog post and yet another book my fellow bookwormy friends. I was re-watching Mad Men for the umpteenth time and noticed that Don Draper’s lady-friend, Joy, was reading The Sound and the Fury in one of the episodes. I’ve wanted to read something by William Faulkner for a while, and the title of this particular work is – let’s face it – pretty badass. I’m half way through the novel right now, and wanted to share my thoughts with you guys.

The first thing that struck me was the way he brings together the stream of consciousness technique with a certain ‘bare’ quality that I just love. What do I mean? Here’s an excerpt:

When the shadow of the sash appeared on the curtains it was between seven and eight o’ clock and then I was in time again, hearing the watch. It was Grandfather’s and when Father gave it to me he said I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire; it’s rather excruciating-ly apt that you will use it to gain the reducto absurdum of all human experience which can fit your individual needs no better than it fitted his or his father’s. I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.

That. Last. Line.

It’s not the easiest read in the world, so give yourself some time to settle into the book and adjust to the character’s perception in each chapter. The Sound and the Fury is probably best described as a tragedy, so don’t read this if you’re looking for a light, happy story, and get ready for some messed up lives and fragmented family happenings.

Oh, and I find it best to read Faulkner without any distractions (e.g. TV, Netflix, YouTube – forget about it). At the very most, some instrumental music or the background buzz of a bustling cafe’ will do.

Have you read anything by Faulkner? What do you think about his work? 

-Kelly

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